Wednesday, March 28, 2007

My mom always complains that I don’t email or call enough. I’ve been particularly bad the last few weeks - probably the same lethargy that makes blogging such a chore. But it seemed like there was just nothing interesting, worth writing about.

I realized last night that that’s not true; I was just in a rut. A deep, safe comfortable little rut where I thought everything would be the same in the future as it is now. Until last night when I learned, via Hajni, that my school won’t be rehiring me next year. They say they don’t have enough money for it.

The twelve remaining weeks of school used to seem so long - at least now they’ll fly by. Every second that ticks off shoves me one second closer to the time when I’ll be jobless, homeless, prospectless.

How am I supposed to go in and teach like this isn’t weighing on my mind like a ton of bricks? What can I do? Do I want to fight for my job at Kassai? What would I sacrifice to keep this job? The free flat, the shorter hours? Would I go over CETP’s head and contract directly with the school? Could I get the Varga position? Ken might leave anyway; if he doesn’t would I be desperate enough to push him out? Could I get the position in Újszász? Do they only hire couples? But maybe that would be a worse place to be in, so close to Szolnok but not actually in it - would be better to move to a whole new city? Is it possible to stay in Szolnok and support myself by private teaching? Can I do it, and do I want to? How would that affect my future with CETP? What the hell am I going to do over the summer, homeless and incomeless? Why am I so attached to Szolnok? What do I really have here? Nothing I can be sure of, nothing secure, so why is the thought of leaving so terrifying?

4 comments:

fearan said...

Forget Szolnok, if you like it in Hungary, move to Budapest. I'm sure you would easily find a job.
Anyway, I know an Irish expat guy, he earns a good living by giving private lessons.
(Sorry for my mistakes! Just another example that good English teachers are much needed in Budapest:)

jrj said...

Heves is an option.

sara said...

move on from Szolnok. There are positions all over the country full of wonderful people in wonderful places (if you can fall in love with an underdog like Szolnok you can make it anywhere) and remember that no matter where you are, Szolnok, and whatever is there that you will miss, will only be a bus or train (or a few) rides away- as CETPers are ones to prove- a weekend is never to short to travel even across the entire country. Any of the school swould be lucky to have you.

zhaoman said...

Stay! My hometown desperately needs great English teachers like you!