Ultimatum

I returned from my Transylvania sojourn to discover that 3A (Apartment And Appliances, aka my flat and all things in it) has turned against me. After the Water War, I thought we had reached a peace accord, but 3A’s treachery is beyond belief. This morning, he (and it has to be male; nothing female would give me this much trouble) decided to go with a five-pronged attack, one in each room. In the kitchen: my sink is falling apart and covered with goo. In the bedroom: my alarm went off an hour early today. In the hallway: the faint but ominous smell of gas. In the bathroom: the toilet is making alarming gurgling noises. Most disturbing, in the living room: as I was using my extra hour of time this morning to watch channel 22, MTV, it suddenly switched to channel 21, but was still MTV. Intrigued, I examined the problem, and discovered that about half of my 38 precious channels are now fuzz. Grrr.

Granted, some of the problems may have been caused or exacerbated by me - ahem, such as leaving dishes lying in the sink for a week while I tromped around Romania, or forgetting to change my alarm back to Hungarian time. But! The toilet? The TV? The deadly gas?? These are not things you can mess with! The TV especially - you took away my Viva!! So, 3A, here it is: in the spirit of generosity, I’ll give you a couple days to shape up. After that, if you fail to meet my already super-low standards... there will be war.