Thursday, February 23, 2006

The Softening of Emily

Something strange and perhaps horrible is happening to me: I’m softening. I’m becoming squishy, malleable, compliant, and gooey.

It happened today in 7b. I was giving The Quiz (mentioned a couple of entries ago), so between occasional shushings of the class, I had some time to think. I was thinking about a couple of the students, wondering where they’ll be in a few years, and all of a sudden it hit me: I’ve become attached to them. I care about how they do, where they’ll go, and what they’ll be like.

So I realize that this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Having a stake in the success of my students is probably, in most books, an extremely good thing. After all, I’m supposed to want them to do well and be successful and all that crap. It was just disturbing to have it hit me so suddenly. For the most part I try to maintain a Cox-like state of indifferent sarcasm towards the kids. And so soon after my revelations about Szolnok, this new self-discovery fills me with general feelings of self-disgust, mushiness, love for the world, tolerance, sappiness, contempt, and softness.

2 comments:

Mother with Dreams said...

I just started reading your blog because I am coming to Hungary ( my parents homeland) in May. I find your blog insightful and fun. I am excited that you are enjoying your time in Hungary. Thank you for sharing.

indiana said...

What means "cox-like"?

Hahahahahahahaha. While I am trying to develop what we call "rapport" within about five meetings with clients (yes, I count), you have tried to maintain your indifference, until the realization that you have indeed formed some relationship (we generally use this word so narrowly, but you know, relating with people over time) with the students. Aw.

This is pretty random, but remember when we were in Barnes and Noble and you suggested going to law school? I live with Law students in the building, and, I definitely have my criticisms of their type; however, for you, if i had to choose SW or law school, law school. I don't know if that's encouraging or not....